ADDICTION: SELF MEDICATING MY SPIRITUAL SICKNESS...
My name is Lesley-Anne, I was born in Fife, Scotland.
It is a beautiful county with a varied landscape. It has stunning beaches and an arable central belt. There is also some pretty awesome hill walking country. It is a beautiful county and I am very privileged to come from such a lovely place.
There are also concentrated areas of past industry, mainly coal mining in years gone by, a prosperous farming community and the now private, former MOD, Rosyth Dockyard.
There has been a rapid decline in these industries in the last 25 to 30 years with a subsequent downturn in employment and social deterioration. These areas have become heavily polluted by drugs , with untold numbers of casualties. In the last 12 months, I have lost 2 friends to drugs.
I had a good childhood, my parents provided good security. We were quite privileged as kids, going fantastic holidays every summertime, to the traditional family holiday resorts of the day. Both my parents were hard working and well respected. I totally loved getting an education and thoroughly enjoyed primary and secondary school, studied hard and passed 8 O'grades and 3 Highers and several sixth year studies.
I was relatively clever at school however, addiction is no respecter of persons.
I was an avid horse fanatic and became very skilful at handling horses, working on various farms and stables and was reasonably successful in the 3 day eventing circuit.
So, on the outside I was a happy and healthy youth.
However, due to a crushing low self esteem and inferiority complex and the fact that drugs were freely available, I was to embark on a route of addiction that destroyed my life.
I was also always searching, for what I was not really sure? the reason I was on this earth. I felt lost, unhappy and dis-satisfied with life, thinking there had to be more to life than this! I had a gaping hole in my life that I tried to fill with drugs, drink, relationships and all the wrong things that would never suffice.
I started dabbling in amphetamine and took to it like the proverbial 'duck'. The rushing adrenalin like boost of confidence it induced in me was how I wanted to be. No more stuttering red faced embarrassment and shyness, I could be outgoing and self assured. Moving in these circles soon led to trying all sorts of drugs and started a dependence on substances in order to socialise.
The ensuing journey down this slippery slope is all too familiar. It was fun to start with but had a horrendous cost, a sting in the tale. I was clubbing and partying at one point from a Wednesday to a Sunday night, popping ecstasy to come up then drinking copious amounts of alcohol and swallowing sedatives to come back down again! I had no concern for my health or safety, often getting into situations that no female should get into; walking home at night from all sorts of places, hitch hiking all over the country.
Slowly my taste for downer drugs took over, valium, methadone and heroin. In this opiate haze, all my cares simply melted, although it was the drugs that created most of these cares.
When I eventually went to the NHS for help with my opiate problem, I was prescribed methadone. I did not realise at the time that this was like giving an alcoholic whisky to come off beer. I was on a prescription for nearly 8 years. It was like a ball and chain around my neck, my whole life revolved around Doctors appointments and chemist opening times. I have been in trouble with the police due to my chaotic addicted lifestyle and did things I am not proud of, things that no person who loved and respected themselves would ever do.
I was miserable, depressed and suicidal and tried a mountain of ways to rid myself of this scourge. I would wake up in the morning and burst into tears as I was still alive. I tried everything to get my life straightened out, Doctors, counselling, self detoxes and moving from place to place. Nothing was successful. I would get cleaned up but only to find life even more confusing once I was of a clear mind.
I spoke to a person who had been in the same predicament and he told me Jesus Christ had set him free from his addiction. I was a bit miffed and didn't think much of this statement as my idea of God and religion was not a good one. In our society, the Lord God is misrepresented by those that do not know Him. However, I was desperate and something inside me knew it was the answer.
One night, lying in my bed, at my wits end and more depressed that anyone should ever be, I found myself saying,
"Jesus Christ, I open the door of my heart to you and invite you to enter in. I invite you in and firmly close the door behind you."
I did not know what I was doing at the time, I was like a lost scared little girl. However, the Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God was true and faithful; as He says,
"For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
And that means EVERYONE, no matter who you are or what you have done!
I found myself crying and saying sorry for all the things I had done. Jesus was weeping with me. He had seen the horrible, heart breaking things that had happened to me as a little girl.
He seen the way I was lost hurt and scared.
He saw the awful things I had found myself involved in.
I am His daughter and He was waiting on me coming to my senses and coming to Him.
He is the only one who can take away the hurt, fear and pain and heal your broken heart.
NOTHING you have done would make Him reject you, no matter how awful.
If we ask with a sincere heart and are truly sorry, He waits with open arms!
I spent a year and a half at a Christian rehab called Teen Challenge, where I learned who I really was in God's eyes. I am precious, beloved and honoured in His sight; wow! the creator of the universe adores me! and you too!
I am now happily married to John, who has a similar story to mine. You can read his testimony too on this web site.
We are now both at the International Christian College in Glasgow, UK.
We are doing a BA Theology with Urban Ministry. We are serving God with our lives, the lives He restored to us.
I am content, no matter what storms come my way as I now have a rock to cling to, Jesus; unchanging, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He loves me with an everlasting love and I Him.
My name is Lesley-Anne, I was born in Fife, Scotland.
It is a beautiful county with a varied landscape. It has stunning beaches and an arable central belt. There is also some pretty awesome hill walking country. It is a beautiful county and I am very privileged to come from such a lovely place.
There are also concentrated areas of past industry, mainly coal mining in years gone by, a prosperous farming community and the now private, former MOD, Rosyth Dockyard.
There has been a rapid decline in these industries in the last 25 to 30 years with a subsequent downturn in employment and social deterioration. These areas have become heavily polluted by drugs , with untold numbers of casualties. In the last 12 months, I have lost 2 friends to drugs.
I had a good childhood, my parents provided good security. We were quite privileged as kids, going fantastic holidays every summertime, to the traditional family holiday resorts of the day. Both my parents were hard working and well respected. I totally loved getting an education and thoroughly enjoyed primary and secondary school, studied hard and passed 8 O'grades and 3 Highers and several sixth year studies.
I was relatively clever at school however, addiction is no respecter of persons.
I was an avid horse fanatic and became very skilful at handling horses, working on various farms and stables and was reasonably successful in the 3 day eventing circuit.
So, on the outside I was a happy and healthy youth.
However, due to a crushing low self esteem and inferiority complex and the fact that drugs were freely available, I was to embark on a route of addiction that destroyed my life.
I was also always searching, for what I was not really sure? the reason I was on this earth. I felt lost, unhappy and dis-satisfied with life, thinking there had to be more to life than this! I had a gaping hole in my life that I tried to fill with drugs, drink, relationships and all the wrong things that would never suffice.
I started dabbling in amphetamine and took to it like the proverbial 'duck'. The rushing adrenalin like boost of confidence it induced in me was how I wanted to be. No more stuttering red faced embarrassment and shyness, I could be outgoing and self assured. Moving in these circles soon led to trying all sorts of drugs and started a dependence on substances in order to socialise.
The ensuing journey down this slippery slope is all too familiar. It was fun to start with but had a horrendous cost, a sting in the tale. I was clubbing and partying at one point from a Wednesday to a Sunday night, popping ecstasy to come up then drinking copious amounts of alcohol and swallowing sedatives to come back down again! I had no concern for my health or safety, often getting into situations that no female should get into; walking home at night from all sorts of places, hitch hiking all over the country.
Slowly my taste for downer drugs took over, valium, methadone and heroin. In this opiate haze, all my cares simply melted, although it was the drugs that created most of these cares.
When I eventually went to the NHS for help with my opiate problem, I was prescribed methadone. I did not realise at the time that this was like giving an alcoholic whisky to come off beer. I was on a prescription for nearly 8 years. It was like a ball and chain around my neck, my whole life revolved around Doctors appointments and chemist opening times. I have been in trouble with the police due to my chaotic addicted lifestyle and did things I am not proud of, things that no person who loved and respected themselves would ever do.
I was miserable, depressed and suicidal and tried a mountain of ways to rid myself of this scourge. I would wake up in the morning and burst into tears as I was still alive. I tried everything to get my life straightened out, Doctors, counselling, self detoxes and moving from place to place. Nothing was successful. I would get cleaned up but only to find life even more confusing once I was of a clear mind.
I spoke to a person who had been in the same predicament and he told me Jesus Christ had set him free from his addiction. I was a bit miffed and didn't think much of this statement as my idea of God and religion was not a good one. In our society, the Lord God is misrepresented by those that do not know Him. However, I was desperate and something inside me knew it was the answer.
One night, lying in my bed, at my wits end and more depressed that anyone should ever be, I found myself saying,
"Jesus Christ, I open the door of my heart to you and invite you to enter in. I invite you in and firmly close the door behind you."
I did not know what I was doing at the time, I was like a lost scared little girl. However, the Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God was true and faithful; as He says,
"For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
And that means EVERYONE, no matter who you are or what you have done!
I found myself crying and saying sorry for all the things I had done. Jesus was weeping with me. He had seen the horrible, heart breaking things that had happened to me as a little girl.
He seen the way I was lost hurt and scared.
He saw the awful things I had found myself involved in.
I am His daughter and He was waiting on me coming to my senses and coming to Him.
He is the only one who can take away the hurt, fear and pain and heal your broken heart.
NOTHING you have done would make Him reject you, no matter how awful.
If we ask with a sincere heart and are truly sorry, He waits with open arms!
I spent a year and a half at a Christian rehab called Teen Challenge, where I learned who I really was in God's eyes. I am precious, beloved and honoured in His sight; wow! the creator of the universe adores me! and you too!
I am now happily married to John, who has a similar story to mine. You can read his testimony too on this web site.
We are now both at the International Christian College in Glasgow, UK.
We are doing a BA Theology with Urban Ministry. We are serving God with our lives, the lives He restored to us.
I am content, no matter what storms come my way as I now have a rock to cling to, Jesus; unchanging, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He loves me with an everlasting love and I Him.
